I’m supposed to finish off a few writing assignments tonight: a message from the president for our new catalog, write-ups for some marketing collaterals, as well as a few business letters I have been neglecting these past few weeks.
But I am doing none of these right now because instead of working, I find my thoughts once again, drifting back to you. And instantly, the mixture of emotions all come rushing back. Sadness, a feeling of emptiness, what ifs that are better left unsaid, what might have beens that of course, will never be.
It is this very moment that I know I will start crying again but is a bit surprised to find out, there are actually no more tears left. I guess, I must’ve used them all up Instead, a hollow, gaping hole in my heart starts taking root in my heart.
Yes, there are no more tears, finally. But am I over you? Over us? Over the disappointment of us being over, suddenly, unexpectedly?
Sitting here now, alone and with my mind replaying over and over again images I cannot shut out from my mind, I admit I haven’t taken a single step of moving on. And this fact, is probably the saddest thing of all.
A month has passed and yet, I still think of you everyday. On the outside, I try to make myself look like everything’s okay but inside I know that a part of me has died when you left me.
Still, others cannot fathom and will probably never will understand why.
But I miss you. Everyday. And it doesn’t matter whether we’ve been together only for three months or three years. It was short, yes, fleeting. But it was wonderful. And for these memories alone, I knew that in that short a time, I was able to love a person with my whole heart and that person was you.
It has changed me. And I hope it did for you, as well.
I do not know if you ever think of me at all or if I ever cross your mind sometimes. Or if you also feel the same emptiness and hollowness I feel whenever the truth hits you that things will never be the same between us?
But right now, I just have to accept everything. And I know, in time, everything will be okay and I will be able to move on with my life and be happy on my own.
But right now, right now I just have to let me be.
Who would’ve thought you’d grow up this fast. It seems like it was only yesterday when I first held you in my arms. You were so tiny and yellowish, even then I knew how much of a struggle you went through on your first few days outside my womb.
But here you are, my living, breathing, hurricane of a daughter. Flashy, fashion conscious, and oh so larger than life! Even at such an early age, you are already quite a charmer; a livelier, brighter, and more colorful version of her subdued and quiet mother. I notice that you have that naughty sparkle in your eye that I know will serve you well when you get older and making your way in this crazy world.
I am glad that while you are my daughter, you are nothing like me. You have your own identity, a spark that belongs only to you, a personality that begs to be different from all. I am confident that when you grow up, you wouldn’t have trouble finding yourself because at this point in your life, I knew you are already well aware of who you are.
No two people could have been more different. You are a free spirit, loud and strong and confident while I, your mother is gentler, milder, and more melancholic. But together, the two of us are best friends.
Like a caterpillar, you couldn’t wait to grow your wings and explore the world. While, I am a bit cautious for you, a bit scared of the disappointments and heartaches that come with growing up, I know better than to stop you from experiencing life’s adventures.
Because, my daughter, it is only by spreading your wings and reaching far and wide for your dreams will you know that happiness is just beyond your grasp.
I know I just have so much to be thankful for. They, despite a few rough roads encountered along the way, make my life more meaningful everyday. My family, my friends, my work, these are what I live for everyday. Sure, failures and disappoints sometimes get the better of me, but at the end, I always come back to the people who I knew will love me for who I am.
It’s hard to be left in the cold. I know what this cheese stick feels. I feel sorry for him. What a lonely life to be left behind, unwanted, and forgotten. Haha. (Matina Town Square, Davao City November 2011)
Thanks to ex president Gloria Arroyo, this phrase has now taken a different, rather amusing meaning. Of course, Mrs. Arroyo’s spokesperson, Elena Horn tried so hard to make it sound so sinister but came off sounding a bit silly. The first time I heard "Oplan Put the Girl to Sleep" it made me laugh really loud. I mean, what a funny and tender way to name such a vicious plan.
The question is, why would anybody want to kill GMA, anyway? And with such a funny name at that?